I already said it out loud, do you want me to write it down too?
bedankt vor het medenken
I am here to inform you that you are retarded.
Make sure you have sex with a woman while painting using the color pink.
Lots of vicious people in my life.
Medical professionals in California are compromised by religion.
The game store people suck dick. They're evil.
Even my family normally is against me.
It's hard to find alone time in this crowded hell.
I don't know how these fake-ass people find all my personal information.
I slept from 2 AM last night to 3 PM today.
I have to study lectures for computer programming, get a job in biotech that I don't want, and work on my portfolio, an app with one other guy.
Duties suck. Because a duty is a thin that isn't important that you don't care about.
Strict definition of a duty. Fact.
My mom is sitting with me in my room. We're talking about clothes. Cotton. Rough fabric. Linen.
It's never quiet. It's always tense.
I have no reprieve.
Who dun wut?
Lulwottermelon.
This is stupid. I don't see this helping.
I have a bunch of presents to wrap for my brothers and mom.
I can't believe I call her mom now.
G.
All the neat tricks.
I've lost interest in life.
Nothing is interesting anymore.
Reading is a chore.
Why do I have to do things I don't want to do.
I don't know. I get really hungry at night. I wish I could eat but I have no appetite, eating is too slow for me. I don't like chewing on food.
What the fuck?
Wicked psychology, brother. You're supercool!
Fucking stupid.
I don't know. I wish life was easier.
Can we just make life easier, please?
Fuck.
Do.
Can I do anything anymore? Anything?
What is wrong with me?
I've been delusional/delirious and psychotically anxious/stressed for weeks to months now.
Finally scoring a break.
I just need to learn to ignore people.
My social curiosity usually doesn't reach fruition. So like, ooh who's that who's that ooh who's that other person.
Who cares!?!?
Fuck.
People are BORING.
Stop gagging out your eyes balls at the random strangers/motherfuckers on the goddamn'd road.
What is wrong with you/me.
Fuck.
I don't know. My dad and I both have damaged intracostal muscle (i.e. between ribs muscles). He is not hurt by it. It hurts, but he is not hurt by it. I am. He is stronger than me because he has been through fatherhood. I have not. Both the parents like, really let it out when injured. I don't. I keep it in. So it fucking hurts.
I did some DM prep tonight. I'd like to play DnD with mom again. That was the last and first time I've had like, serene fun, in years.
It's funny what a downer physical pain can be.
I don't eat enough. I don't understand how I expect my body to heal without proper nutrition.
I'm just a total piece of shitfor brains.
Life is pain and suffering. I am not strong.
Bottom line: Your shit is not my responsibility.
This blog doesn't boast solid design security features. Not in the least. The platform, I mean.
I'll have to be careful around here with what I say.
Some operations seem so massive.
I had a psychotic break last night, but I fought it.
It was a hesitant exchange. People were gaslighting me and talking slimey, but I caught them. I had a conversation with my mother. She isn't a very good communicator. I had the white noise generator on.
I am having a good time with this raspberry pi of mine. I should look up the wiring board and try out a project, something pre-designed.
Did some DnD study last night. Unfortunately, I slept like 16 hours last night / this morning. Which only leaves 8 hours of wakeful time for today, and likely I won't get to bed on time again. Which will probably trigger more psychosis.
I think the theme to all of this is that I am gradually opening my mind once more. I need to see the possibilities, the variation, in the universe and everything it has to offer.
I'm not a bad person.
Well anyway.